Navy blue?

While I was out Saturday night, some random dude bro type came up to hit on me while I was ordering drinks. Why that guy would pick me to hit on is beyond me. He should know he's not my type, like I would assume I'm not his (unless he's one of the ones who likes to bang "weird chicks").

Anyway, when he finally talks to me his line of choice is:

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

Then he just smirks at me like a total idiot and waits for a response.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Despite my best efforts, I'm beginning to feel some small cracks in my faux finish.

"I warned them all from the beginning. I always said something along the lines of,
'I must advise you, I am stamped with an invisible warning.
I will not commit. I will never marry.' "

Alfie

Dinner and a Story

The other night, I went on a "yay we can finally just be friends again after that really weird sort of dating thing we did" dinner with a kind of sort of ex type guy. While we're eating he tells me a story that goes something like this:

"I met this guy like a month ago at a party, and he was telling me all about this girl he was into. He kept saying how much he liked her, and how she was really back and forth about things and didn't really seem to give a shit. Then I realized it was you!"

Awesome.

On Monogamy

In his most recent podcast, Dan Savage said, "We're sort of, when we make a monogamous commitment, declaring war on our own sort of sexual natures." It got me thinking about monogamy.

For a while now, I haven't believed total monogamy can exist. People cheat. It's massively hard not to. It may seem easier when you're younger (... or not), because those relationships don't last very long. Imagine waking up next to that same person year after year after year, and each year they're looking a little bit worse. Now imagine all the people that flit in and out of your life. People can stay faithful, but it takes more effort than many are willing to expend.

Politicos and religious zealots rip people from positions of power all the time over extramarital affairs. These same politicos and religious zealots are also banging pretty young things, because just because they can. It's absolutely ridiculous.

We're animals, for goodness sake. How many animals mate for life?

Just sign it "V"

A bit ago I was going to write and entry on how I don't know any virgins anymore, and what an odd feeling that was. Fortunately, I was super lazy, and didn't write that. I recently met the epitome of what it is to be an 18-year-old, intentional virgin. Virgins like this always have a few especially annoying trademarks.

1. They plan weddings when they're super young/it's way too soon:
So this chick, "won't judge you if you if you aren't waiting for marriage", but she totally is. This, dear readers, is because she's waiting to marry a boy she's been dating for 8 months. Oh, and it get's better, THEY'VE ALREADY GOT A DATE SET. (Can you say "Way too soon"? I bet you can!) "I just don't ever want to be with anyone else." Uhh... you don't right now.

2. They don't count "other stuff" as sex:
I would like to point out that her definition of a virgin is that she hasn't had vaginal or anal intercourse. FYI people, oral sex is sex.

3. They freak out over porn:
Everyone looks at porn besides prudes and asexuals. You shouldn't "feel like he's cheating". Is his dick in someone else? No. It's waiting forever and a fucking day to be in you. Calm down.

4. They awkwardly mention sex a lot:
Actually, if I didn't know she's a virgin this wouldn't be so noticeable. Since I do, every time she mentions anything I just want to yell "You don't even know what you're talking about! Now be quiet."

5. They say the darndest things:
(This should probably be some sort of subsection under the last point. I just really want to quote her on one thing.) "How will I know if it's bad if I've never done it before?"

For the record, the answer is: Because it will suck.