Top 5: Childhood Crushes

I was rewatching High Fidelity today, and it made me want to make a top five list. It also reminded me of the huge boner I had for Say Anything era John Cusak when I was a kid. Thus, top five childhood crushes:

1. John Cusak

I don't really remember anything about this movie, since I haven't seen it since I was a kid, other than it made me desperately want to marry Lloyd Dobler.

2. Big Pete

Little Pete was cute and my age, but there was just something about his constantly pining and whining older brother that I found much more endearing.

3. Atreyu

I feel like a total creep looking at this picture and writing this at my age now, but I just remember being wildly fascinated by Atreyu's perpetually open shirt as a child.

4. Desi Arnaz

To this day, my ideal boyfriend would be a hot Cuban with a pompadour because of this man and Nick at Nite. Can we please lift the embargo and import some of these??

5. Donatello

He was a cartoon. He was a mutant. He was a turtle. He was a cartoon mutant turtle, and I wanted him to be my boyfriend from ages 5 to 6.

Images no. 7

photo by Harry Benson

FEELINGS

The other day, I was lamenting on my super-secret-not-for-the-public-blog over how boring my life has gotten since my decision to "be nice". Being nice includes things like telling people from the beginning that I'm not boyfriendable, and that they shouldn't get their hopes up (which they always ignore), then dealing with the fact that they never fucking listen as nicely as possible.

My friend Alaina left this comment:

"Maybe you're not mean, and everyone else is just an idiot.

You can't help that, girl. "

You're completely right. Putting up with stupid little boys who wear their hearts on their sleeves and refuse to listen to reason was a ridiculous waste of time and energy. I'm not into "being nice" anymore.

Yeah

You know when you sleep with a really hot person, and you get to go "Yeah, I hit it."?
You know when that person isn't as cute a few years later, and it's more of a "Yeah, I used to hang out with that guy a long time ago."?

Can someone think of a clever name for that? All I've got so far is "Ashton's an asshole."

Navy blue?

While I was out Saturday night, some random dude bro type came up to hit on me while I was ordering drinks. Why that guy would pick me to hit on is beyond me. He should know he's not my type, like I would assume I'm not his (unless he's one of the ones who likes to bang "weird chicks").

Anyway, when he finally talks to me his line of choice is:

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

Then he just smirks at me like a total idiot and waits for a response.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Despite my best efforts, I'm beginning to feel some small cracks in my faux finish.

"I warned them all from the beginning. I always said something along the lines of,
'I must advise you, I am stamped with an invisible warning.
I will not commit. I will never marry.' "

Alfie

Dinner and a Story

The other night, I went on a "yay we can finally just be friends again after that really weird sort of dating thing we did" dinner with a kind of sort of ex type guy. While we're eating he tells me a story that goes something like this:

"I met this guy like a month ago at a party, and he was telling me all about this girl he was into. He kept saying how much he liked her, and how she was really back and forth about things and didn't really seem to give a shit. Then I realized it was you!"

Awesome.